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Non-Brass Band Concert Disaster

To: brass-band@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: Non-Brass Band Concert Disaster
From: Connie Varner <cvarner@xxxxxxxxx>
Date: Fri, 9 Aug 1996 17:05:08 -0400
Priority: low
Reply-to: brass-band@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The following is taken from the community-music-digest, and so it
is not a brass band disaster.  However, it was so hilarious, I saved
it, and it seems appropriate to add to Philp Anderton's page of
Concert Disasters.

Enjoy!

Connie Varner

A word to the wise, never, never agree to manage an ensemble.  The
following is true and happened to me tonight.  It could happen to you!

At 7pm in Alton, IL the temperature was 93 degrees.  The sound man
had the night off - the first trombone player was running the board.
Miraculously we were able to hook everything up and get it working.

8pm, the temperature was 92 degrees...it's SHOWTIME!  Instead of playing
tonight, I'm working the crowd, listening for the balance.  We make some
minor adjustments and all's well.

Whoa! The announcer's mike either doesn't work at all or is so loud it
can be heard 10 blocks away.  Quick - move him to another channel on
the board.  Whew, that was a close one...

All's going smoothly, good crowd tonight, maybe 325.  The singer tonight
is even close to pitch.

Yeeow!  Sounds like somebody's hearing aid is feeding back through the
amplifier.  Turn off the board in the middle of a song.  It's still
there.  Must be a car alarm.  No.  It's the burgler alarm in the building
directly (5 feet) behind the band and the bullhorn is underneath pointing
right at the tuba section.

We store some equipment in its cellar so I go in armed with a screwdriver
and pair of pliers to disarm the alarm.  Found its plug - unplugged it -
it has battery backup.  Found the cable, traced the wires to the bullhorn,
clipped them with wire cutters.  Need to make a phone call in the morning.
I'm not going to be very popular in some circles.

Our announcer makes some humorous remarks about the noise and the concert's
back on track.

Blam, blam, blam, Help! Let me out of here!  A little girl using the 
restroom right behind the band (a public area in the same building as the
burgler alarm) can't get out.  One of our heroic tuba players went to her
rescue.  The door opens inward - not outward as she was trying to push it.

The band's on the next to last scheduled number, a concert march arrangement
of "The World is Waiting for the Sunrise" with a killer euphonium part.
Sixteenth notes that just don't stop.  We're taking it at quarter=144.
One of the lights behind the low brass section goes out.  Check the AC.
It's ok.  Bulb looks ok but it's 15 feet in the air.  Shake the pole it's
on.  No light.  Looks like we'll be waiting for the sunrise...  Euphoniums
do a great job anyway.

Concert's finally over thank goodness.  One of the crew taking down the
1000 Watt light poles (one that was working) drops it hard on the ground.
That makes two dead lights.

Mothers don't let your babies grow up to be band managers!

Does anyone else have some horror stories to share?

Cheers,

Victor Freyer, Cisco Certified Internetwork Expert
Southwestern Bell Telephone Company, One Bell Center 24-P-1
St. Louis, Missouri  63101    314-235-0277
vfreyer@xxxxxxx


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