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Conducting...Is Easy ?

Why is it that....that when a band loses a conductor usually the principal
solo cornet (maybe the best player in the band) takes over ?   He probably
has'nt got a clue how to beat time, and the band loses a good soloist.   At
least that has been my experience .   And yet, "lurking" somewhere in the
back rows ..(.2nd cornet or 2nd baritone) there could be a future Harry
Mortimer.    Now way back ...sigh...in the good old days my band was
fortunate to have a brilliant trombonist, Harry Edwards (ex Kneller Hall) as
m.d.   He was solo trom. in our local professional municipal orchestra which
played each day on the pier and in special Sunday evening concerts in the
pavilion with celebrated conductors of the day.   These Sunday concerts
featured famous singers of that era  and as all six cinemas were shut on the
Sabbath, etc. attracted large audiences.   Then one conductor.. Charles
Haberreiter, decided to make one concert a bit more interesting by holding a
"conducting competition" for professional or amateur musicians.    Now to
some of us cheeky scruffy young devils in the town band this presented as
with chance to "get our own back" on Harry our m.d. and turn the tables on
him.   So I went to the library and took out a book on "conducting".   Soon,
at home I was beating time to marches on the old wind-up gramophone
(Bickershaw colliery band) but I found waltzes the easiest ....my favourite
being "Estudiantina".   This was to be my "test piece"....the path to glory
!    On the big night the pavilion was full with about 500 in the
audience..(this was just after the last war)..and in the back we...the lads
from the band...trembled as we waited our turn to take the stage.   Local
musicians made the orchestra play overtures and other serious pieces.  I
will never forget the look on our m.d.s face when this cheeky young
so-and-so (aged 13)  jumped on the stage and with a cocky flourish took them
through "Estudiantina" waltz....dead easy see...just one in a bar with the
right hand ....bringing them in now and again with the left !
Anyway....to the horror of the pros. I actually won the first prize...all of
TWO GUINEAS.  But to my disgust it turned out to be a VOUCHER that had to be
spent in a local music store.   Now, flushed with success and arrogance I
used it to buy a second-hand violin and tutor book determined to become a
famous orchestral musician.   Each day for months after school I would
se away at this old fiddle for hours on end driving the family mad,
(even the cat left ) until one day I came home to find it GONE ;  someone
had taken it back to the shop and got the money back (which I never saw).
That was the end of my orchestral leanings.   But then....I heard that a
rival band in a nearby popular resort which in the summer played every night
on their bandstand had started CONDUCTING COMPETITIONS once a week....and
the prize was ten shillings (50p) !  So along I went on the tram dressed in
my short pants and entered.  Now this band had it easy ...playing easy stuff
for the punters....but I got them to play the BB & CF march   (dead easy two
in a bar for me).....and with sympathetic audience applause I won the ten
shillings and certificate.   Flushed with success I tried again the
following week with Punchinello...and won again.    But the bandsmen were
getting wise to me and getting fed-up playing tricky marches and next time I
tried it on I heard one bandsman say to his m.d. "its that cheeky little s-d
again" and I was told to B....R OFF !   And that was the end of my
conducting career.    Now if only I had chosen some nice easy
waltzes.............
With apologies for the nostalgic march down memory lane.  Surely some other
lurkers have some tales to tell ?    Cheers.    David.


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